What if it Goes Pear-Shaped?

I’m lying in bed thinking about what the “right thing” to do is. First mistake. The free-flowing spontaneous energy in my body has gravitated towards my head and now I’m all tense.

If a “right thing” could be found in the world of logic, that might even be justifiable. But trying to think up a “right thing” is like closing your eyes so that the grown-ups can’t see you. It doesn’t work like that.

While I’m thinking about what the “right thing” to do is, life is swimming innocently on by without caring about what I think about it. I now feel detached, as if I don’t belong. I’m so lost in a useless train of thought that the more I think I’m onto “the right thing”, the further away I am from myself and life.

I think my thoughts will change the outcome. Second mistake. The only outcome it’s changing is taking me away from what’s real right now. All attempts to manipulate life through thinking is like tying weights to your arms and legs when you’re trying to dance. You no longer move freely and creatively – you move jerkily to the rhythm of your machine-gun thinking.

I’ve experienced that more deeply over the last week, which has been completely illogical, unpredictable, beautiful, exhilarating and… musical.

The music only flows when I drop the analysis. But the analysis will only be dropped at its own rhythm. Everything has its own time. Trying to accelerate evolution: Third mistake. The “improved version” of myself isn’t real. It’s a thought that’s entertained from a desire to control the uncontrollable.

I take a few deep breaths and feel the aliveness of the wider reality beyond this mental stage I’ve created in my mind. My body relaxes onto the mattress and my mind starts to descend lightly, like a feather, into the the dynamic world of dreams.

What is pear-shaped? There is no “wrong”, only life and living in the best way you currently know how to. What makes an apple better than a pear? Tomorrow it might even all go banana-shaped… alright, choose another fruit if you want … life would still be amazing.

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